So, you know, I haven't been around. Made big promises and what not and did not follow through. Shit.. I"m on my grind. I'm trying to be a medical anthropologist and what not...
On the real I'm sorry and it will happen again.
On the bright side, here are some soon-to-be posts to look forward to:
1. Oh, word? [About my...interesting...date]
2. How to Cook For One [one of my delicious and healthy dinner/lunch recipes]
3. How to Tell If He's Gay
4. Girl, Should I [dudes to say yes to...dudes to just run from]
In the wise words of Ice Cube, "check yo self before you wreck yo self, cause I come real stealth, I'm bad for your health". Truer words have never been spoken, especially when concerning that big disease with a little name. You know what I'm talking about. HIV.
This past Monday, June 27th, was National HIV Testing Day. The email I received from my state senator, reminding me to get tested, was the only advertisement I've seen regarding this very important day. Hopefully you all out there have seen more. If not, that's a huge disappointment and problem.
I'm not going to bemoan a point we've all heard before. Hopefully the importance of safe sex and getting tested regularly has been drilled into you by your parents who now that you're 21 find it too easy to bring up sex with you or that sex ed teacher who liked to share too much information about their own sex lives. If so, then take this as as just another soapbox moment from someone who intends to remain HIV negative for the rest of her life and hopes you do as well.
And if you haven't really been taught the ropes about condoms, dental dams, and yes even latex gloves- well...use them when engaging in oral, anal, kinky, menage a trois, running train, or just plain ol' cowgirl style sex. Don't ever be intimidated to ask your partner to use one, even if it's just fallatio or cunnilingus [1]. And please don't think sexy time is over if homeboy has to make a Trey Songz style Store Run. Trust me, it ain't. If anything I think it's sexier.
Cough.
Now back to your regularly scheduled program.
GET TESTED
Really, it's that simple. If you're scared, go with a friend or at least talk with one to get some reassurance. Even if it's a clinic you happen to be driving by one day, take some time out to get it done. It's free at a variety of places, so having no money is a terrible excuse. And you can often get your results right then. So why not?
My senator and his lovely wife (brownie points if you recognize her) have been plugging their "Test Together" campaign for years now.
They have a wonderful site: http://www.testtogether.org/ where you can plug in your zip code and receive nearby places to get tested. It even tells you the place offers the test free, the type of HIV test, and if you can be tested for other STDs there [2]. So convenient. So I hope you will spread the word and website to your friends and family.With the CDC reporting that while blacks represent approximately 12 percent of the U.S. population, they account for almost half (46 percent) of people living with HIV in the US, as well as nearly half (45 percent) of new infections each year, it's time to step our game up folks and stop the foolishness.
Seriously folks, let's get it together. Keep it safe and get checked regularly. Not just for yourself, but for your partners and their partners too. And if you have already gotten tested and practice safe sex, I pray that you will only have good sex, you deserve it. It's a movement.
And if you are living with HIV/AIDs, I can only hope that you are succeeding in living as healthy and wonderful a life as possible. Peace and blessings.
[1] Oh she fancy huh? [2] Seriously, I suggest getting tested for everything in one go.
Two of my best lady friends (and I'm thankful I have so many!) and I were enjoying happy hour and the topic of sexy time in relationships came up. I will admit that I have never had a long term relationship so the idea of sex getting boring, just not happening as often as it used to, or not really lusting after your partner is foreign to me. In the few relationships I've been in, we've been good to go with little coaxing involved [1]. So when it came to advising my friend on how to revive the passion, I really didn't have much to say. I just listened to her and my other friend (who also had dealing with a long term relationship) gab about it.
But one thing that did come up was music. I had advised my friend some months before that music can be key to setting the mood. Having some really smooth sexually-tinged tracks on an itunes playlist. Or just playing around on youtube with your boo and playing some Teddy Pendergrass or some Lauryn Hill can really get you there. Have you ever slow danced in your room with your boo to some Jill Scott or Maxwell? Panty-dropper. You should try it fellas. Thank me later.
My friend did thank me for the advice. She tried that by playing some Robin Thicke and it was clutch. Trust me if you haven't done it already, add some music and step that sex game up. Sexing to some good tunes can set the tempo or could give you and your partner some ideas.
All that being said, here are some artists that are perfect for the Sexy Time Playlist (in no particular order):
Or really any of his older stuff when he had that wonderful "I'd do him right now" hair.
2. Jill Scott- The Real Thing: Word and Song
Self-explanatory, especially for us big sexy sisters.
3. Bilal- Love For Sale
Lawd Lawd Lawd! That is all.
4. Floetry- Floetic
Why did they have to do solo careers? All they had to do was keep pumping out stuff like this. Seriously.
5. Teddy Pendergrass- Life is a Song Worth Singing
Well. We all know how it's going to go down when you turn this on.
6. Keith Sweat- (Self-Titled)
Have you seen this video? I'm sure you have. How old are these people anyway?
7. Raheem DeVaughn- Jackin' For Beats/ Heemy Taught Me
This video is the business. If you don't have this mixtape. Get it now.
8. Marvin Gaye- Let's Get it On
Another classic panty-dropper. He didn't beat around the bush (ha!).
9. The Roots- Phrenology
Unsurprisingly they have a few beats perfect for sexy time. Another one is with Jill Scott.
10. Prince- Batman Soundtrack (And much much more)
I love how he has that and then he has this.
(Of course I had to give my favorite artist two songs.)
11. D'Angelo- Untitled
All of us lady were all up on the TV when this came on back in the day.
12. Trey Songz- Trey Day
Yeah, Trey Songz has some good stuff. It's still crazy how he worked his way up from his "Just Gotta Make It" days to now.
13. Minnie Riperton- Adventures in Paradise
Yall didn't forget about her did you?
14. Musiq Soulchild- Luvanmusiq
He has some of the most beautiful love songs.
15. Ne-Yo- In My Own Words
Imma try this one day. :D
Well then, that's just a few songs I have one my Sexy Time Playlist. If you are going to have such a playlist (which I always suggest), title it something that won't have you stuttering if your dad is looking for music to play and happens upon it. I go for "Untitled". An ode to D'Angelo if you will. Aiight then:
What songs/artists would you add on your playlist? Does music do it for you and your partner, or does it take something else? Speak on it.
[1] No long term relationships you say? It is what it is. Actually I think it's pretty common for a lot of us younger ladies and fellas to not have been in serious relationships. We've got many more years. Don't sweat it.
