The Fiore Scott Files: When You Touch My Hair (Part 1)

I had already planned on writing this piece because of my recent and past experiences with hair touching, but my sis lemonswithsalt sealed the deal for me when we got into a conversation about people touching our hair. We are both natural haired sisters (as are Zipporah and Le Chele) and with the diverse styles we craft for our coiffure, it isn't unusual for us to get asked about our hair or for it to be touched.

Now everyone knows that many black sisters, no matter how their hair is coiffed, have issues with random people touching their hair. Of course, there are some who are of the school of thought that it isn't that big a deal. But lemonswithsalt and I agreed that it's an invasion of personal space for people you don't know or people who don't ask, to just touch our hair. For her, "it's not about race. Or exoticism. It's about sitting on the train, and someone sitting next to you, reaching over and touching your hair without even speaking". And as someone who's had these very same experiences, I couldn't but help agree.

When I visited some friends who were living and studying in Paris back in 2009, I first really experienced this hair touching phenomenon. My friend Katy and I were staying in Paris for a long weekend and though we had walked everywhere in the city for the first day we were there, the first night we went out we decided to try the trains. While sitting on the train a group of older drunk white men sat down catty corner to us. And the one closest to me automatically started speaking French to me and touching my hair. I immediately started shrugging his hands off and replying in Greek to "not touch me" and to basically leave me alone. Of course, him not knowing Greek and me knowing only a little French, there was a language barrier [1]. But he continued petting me and I staunchly ignored it. My friend wondered why I didn't get up and move and I responded that I didn't want to attract anymore attention or have the group of men following us.  

When we finally met up with my guy friend who was staying in Paris, I immediately told him the story and he refused to believe me. He had been living there for over 6 months by that point and had never witnessed or heard of such a situation, so it was definitely beyond his scope that a random man who just start touching my hair. However later in the night when we had stopped along a street to try to figure out what to do before the end of our night, I had a run in with another random Parisian who was enamoured with my hair. As we stood on the sidewalk I watched from the corner of my eye as a drunk couple came up the street arguing. However I was totally caught off guard when the man stopped behind me and just stuck his hand in my afro and started basically feeling my hair up. He was drunkenly staring at his girlfriend who was staring wide-eyed and annoyed back at him, while I stared wide-eyed back at my friends. And my guy friend was flabergasted. He had never seen such a thing and finally believed me. 

Since then I've had other situations where my hair has been touched by random people and I usually just shrug it off. Sometimes I find it annoying, sometimes I find it humorous. I don't make too much of a big deal, but at the same time, people need to learn that it is an invasion of space to just go up and touch someone's hair. You wouldn't want someone just going up and touching your face or your purse. In the same way it's really not okay for random people to just approach a girl or guy and feel up their hair. Sure you can fully appreciate the beauty of the coiffure but if you want to touch, at least ask. You'll find that many of us don't really mind, especially if you ask.   

But then again, if you approach me the right way, you can touch my hair all you want. But that's a story for part 2. 

But ladies and gents, tell me the deal: How do you feel about random people touching your hair? Does it matter if they ask or not? 

[1] For some reason I didn't use English, but maybe that was because I didn't want to fully showcase my identity.

And Now, Kinky Confusions

*Update*

Last week, I shared with you some very disturbing remarks Oprah's stylist Andrew Walker made about kinky hair. He decided to clarify his statements with this letter featured on his website:

Recently, in an interview with Elle Magazine, I repeated my professional opinion about caring for Type 4 hair, often referred to as kinky hair. Here’s what I said in Elle:

"I always recommend embracing your natural texture. Kinky hair can have limited styling options; that’s the only hair type that I suggest altering with professional relaxing".

That statement is a very short version of what I also said in my book all those years ago, but almost immediately after the Elle article, the internet was abuzz with people questioning why I would recommend chemically relaxing a particular hair type Some even said my advice suggests that kinky hair is "bad" hair.

Let me first say that there is no such thing as "bad" hair, and I have long ago freed myself from being afraid to use the word "kinky" and also from being accused of not liking natural hair. We have become a multi-cultural society that embraces many different looks and styles when it comes to hair. It is my Mission to help you grow strong, healthy hair, and wear it in the style or styles that best suit your likes and particular hair type.

When it comes to curly and kinky hair (there is a difference), I leave the political correctness of "going straight" or staying natural to a woman’s personal preference. Once again, my advice is based on how to best achieve strong, healthy hair. So for those who would like to engage me in a debate about who has more racial pride and self esteem, based on hairstyle preference and use or non-use of chemical relaxers, know that I believe in personal freedom, and in the use of advanced technology when it yields positive results, which many of today’s (versus yesterday’s) chemical relaxers do deliver.

It is a fact that kinky hair (my Type 4 definition) is extremely fragile and breaks easily. Even when you are very careful, something as simple as combing can break this texture. It is very difficult to achieve a longer length when the hair breaks, even with simple combing. That being said, there is the style option of wearing braids, dreads, or twists, which allows the hair to grow longer because it is combed less often. Another style choice is to simply wear a shorter cut, which is very attractive on some women but just not right for others.

So when I say to embrace your natural texture, but consider relaxing kinky hair, am I contradicting myself? I don’t think so! You see, even relaxed hair can still be worn naturally. If you want a natural look, but find that your kinky hair is difficult to manage, breaks too easily, lacks shine and luster, and limits your preferred styling options, I say feel free to consider a mild chemical relaxer, sometimes called a texturizer, that eases your hair to a more manageable texture and allows you to Make Peace With Your Hair.

We’ve come a long way in the ability of chemical relaxers to gently relax the hair. In fact, I notice that my book is somewhat dated in that respect. When I wrote it, I was not a fan of no-lye relaxers. But now they are much improved, and I use them when I know it will help a client to maintain either a "natural" or a straight look — whichever she prefers — with more ease.

Mandatory for all hair types, and extra mandatory for curly, coarse, or kinky hair — Condition, Condition, Condition !

My Mission in the products I develop and in the professional advice I offer to Everyone of all hair types — Make Peace With Your Hair.

My Message for everyone who questions the integrity of my advice regarding coarse/kinky natural hair — All hair is GOOD hair. Healthy hair is BETTER hair. I will always offer you my BEST hair advice.

Make Peace,

Andre Walker

Relaxed hair can be worn naturally?!?!?!

I can't. I just, can't. This rambling nonsense reinforces what you said (believe). You honestly believe that kinky hair is weak, unmanageable and undesirable. According to you, it is only tolerable in braids, dreads or short cuts. Whateva.

Listen, Andre. You got got. The growing natural hair community is vibrant, beautiful and unlike you, well informed. Unfortunately, I can't get a lot of motion out of my gravity defying kinky hair. But if I could, i would:

Kinky Misconceptions

Andre Walker has won 5 Emmy Awards for his work as Oprah Winfrey's personal hair stylist. He also has his own line of hair products, where you can find a wonderful bottle of conditioner for $25. Many women turn to Walker for advice on haircare. This is why his recent comments on kinky hair found in this month Elle magazine are especially troubling.

Apparently, his motto is to "make peace with you hair." Well, not if your shit is kinky. If it is, you better go to war armed with creamy crack!



"I always recommend embracing your natural texture. Kinky hair can have limited styling options; that’s the only hair type that I suggest altering with professional relaxing."- Andre Walker

So unless you want to go around looking like Topsy, you
need to chemically straighten your hair?

Gurl, please! Look, my hair is kinky, okay. Ethnically curly, coily, peasy... NAPPY! When I rock a fro, it feels like freshly picked cotton. No curl pattern, no shine, my hair is straight nappy! But after seven years of being natural, I would not change a damn thing about it. You know why? Because I don't need to change a damn thing about it!

I'm not at all an expert but I can attest to the fact that my nappy hair care is not unbearable, and it sure as hell is not limiting. Last week I stepped out with pinned up curly twists. Tomorrow I'm going to rock a curly afro. My updos range from pompadours to french rolls. Last time I checked, the only style my non-black sistas rocked was the ponytail (no offense). As for the manageability, some of my hairstyles take a lot of time but they also last for a long time. Oh and I don't need a rake to comb it.

Alright lets cut straight to the issue here. Walker's comments are just another example of internalized racism amongst us black people. Our natural hair is our most unique feature. Why then do the vast majority of black people in the entire world choose to straighten it? Some will say it is because of aesthetic reasons but more will claim that straightened hair is simply more convenient. In other words, natural hair (kinky hair) is just too much of a hassle.

Bullshit. I'm not too familiar with the history, but for centuries black people have neglected learning about how to properly care for their natural hair. Instead, "hair care" has always been interpreted as needing to fix hair in its natural state. Hot combs, relaxers and weaves are not true hair care. Instead they shield us from not having to "struggle" with our real hair. Our real, kinky, really kinky hair.

So, Andre Walker, hair care connoisseur and fellow black person, you get a major side eye for being irresponsible and misinforming kinky sistas. And for my fellow kinky sistas and brothers, keep it nappy and happy.