Sunday, December 4, 2011

On the Verge of a Breakdown?

Do you ever feel that you're about to breakdown?

Like, fall into a ball on the floor and just sob for an unknown amount of time?

Or, just turn to the random, disinterested person next to you on the subway platform and let them know that you're 'fucked up right now.'

Ever want to just press the 'Emergency STOP' button in the elevator and alert all the passengers to how shitty how life is at this very moment?

I've been there. For reals. And you know what? Just go ahead and cry! Thrash around in your bed! Spill your peas damnit! Because life is unfair, and hard and just sucks!

I'm a big believer in breakdowns. Every time I have one it is followed by clarity and necessary decision making on things that I've been putting off. My only advice would be to stay away from the bottle or pipe.... yea, I know that might be even harder...

We need breakdowns because:
We need reminders to trust in our life process. My breakdowns are caused by my anxiety and my need to be in control. When a bunch of shit happens that I can't control I freak out and get really negative... I assume that I know everything, that I have all the answers and when I come up short get really anxious....because I have lost faith in the process of life that I never had control over.

OK. Remember playing with the BARS at the jungle gym. In all of our recess excitement, running as fast as we could (without throwing up) to jump & reach for a bar and simply miss. The moment when your face falls, your stomach drops and your tallest finger barely grazes the bar... yeah. that feeling. The 'oh shet!' feeling. You didn't know what to do, what would happen were simply midair.

You know what happened next??

You fucking landed and were fine. You landed on YOUR own two feet. Everything you needed to rely on was already with you. Sometimes, in our harshest and most isolating moments, we need to remind ourselves that we will ALWAYS be there for ourselves and ALWAYS have our own backs. You have to be your own best friend. I really believe that. And when we are breaking down because we didn't reach the bar we thought we would--- we must remember that it is all momentary. That moment, just like all other moments, will pass. And so will your breakdown.

Have a Wonderful Night!

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