The Dark Knight Rises? Not Really.

As I sat in the movie theater and watched the credits scroll down the screen I felt my blood pressure rise and my anger mount. This movie was all that I had hoped it wouldn't be.

*Spoiler Alert*

Folks, have you ever heard of a Batman that just up and leaves the city that created him to start a new life? Forget Gotham City, I got me a woman and I'm good to go. Forget the possibility of more insane criminals running around in the very place I almost killed myself multiple times trying to protect. Hello, did anyone notice Scarecrow just chilling as Judge in the court of death by exile? And how about Batman not knowing, and from the way the movie came off, not caring to check to see if Bane died or survived?

 Nope, no siree. This man was no Batman. And this, at best, was a lackluster, lazy presentation of one of the greatest heroes of all time.

The very being of Batman exists because of Gotham. Bruce Wayne exists because of Batman. The criminals that come to torment Gotham City exist because of Batman. It's all circular but somehow Christopher Nolan just up and decided to cut a giant part of that circle out. Clearly Batman has finally, finally ended all the crime and injustice in Gotham and can just roll out with a new chick and enjoy life in Europe. Fuck a Gotham.

I just don't get it. Even if you're not a huge Batman or comic book fan, instead choosing to be a movie fan, the movie was crap! Did anyone notice that the police decided to just run full tilt at a large group of men with semi-automatics? Or the one cop with the reflective vest who punches air? The cops in the front line didn't even have guns or big ones at that. And they weren't even shooting!! Foley had a tiny ass gun like he was expected to do something all grand after getting dressed up. Real artistic way he died though. Props for that nice twist of the hips.

Another thing, did anyone else immediately get that Miranda Tate was Talia al Ghul? Way to make it super obvious. I was really hoping to be surprised but once Bruce Wayne stoked that scar on her back, we all knew; and it was downhill from there. And way to leave the man hanging Talia. But wait, if one was to follow the Batman history, Talia would never have gotten into a love triangle with Bane and Bruce/Batman and/or left Batman for Bane. But clearly this was a crucial part in the plotline. Bane got the girl, sort of, and Batman failed at macking a chick- who he somehow failed to investigate enough. Seriously, homegirl becomes CEO of Wayne Industry's and Wayne himself doesn't even know until the end that she was someone else?! I blame it on the seven year hiatus he took. His brain was all cobwebby. Seriously, he failed to even figure out that a huge ass construction project was going on underneath his own company. Luckily he still had his mansion right?

Gadgets. No gadgets. Batman is famous for his gadgets. He has no superpowers like Spiderman or Superman (ugh- did anyone see the trailer for this? I'll be catching that on redbox.), so he cleverly relies on gadgets. Other than his new plane vehicle thingy and the usual motorcycle, which had some serious enhancements with turning capability, there really wasn't anything too impressive. Okay, there was the light show during the Bane motorcycle chase which was pretty impressive, but his fights with Bane failed to bring out one of his best sides- his ingenuity. He threw some sparklers at Bane and expected everyone to be impressed. But maybe it was Nolan trying to show that human side of Batman? The one who ultimately fails. But seriously, Batman doesn't rely just on his fighting strength. Gadgets. Gadgets!

I found Hathaway's Selena Kyle entertaining. She was sort of refreshing at moments in such a gloomy movie. She took what she wanted and usually always got the best of her targets. Heck, she even got Bruce Wayne at the end. Which begs the question, why would such a woman- who's character evolves around fulfilling her self-serving desires- end up with a broke man. Let's not forget folks, Bruce Wayne was broke before he died and seems pretty useless to her alive.

But maybe I'm reaching with all this. I found Tom Hardy's Bane voice as annoying as Christian Bale's Batman, so maybe the incurring headache made me too picky. However, Batman has always, no matter the episode, comic, or movie, been something for me to analyze. Batman is a an analysis of the human psyche, of that dark part in all of us. It is a dark look at reality and the examination of man vs. man, bad vs. good, bad vs. bad, and all the other complexities of life.

I just felt that Nolan wanted to quickly tie up this trilogy and left too many questions unanswered and made too many idealistic plot devices that just don't fit Gotham. 3000 cops and not one is corrupt? Bruce Wayne is straight broke yet somehow flies back to Gotham from the middle of the dessert in a foreign country? All those thousands of "criminals" (which is apparently debatable according to that angsty scene with Gordon and Blake) just running amok and Batman just rolls out? They keep saying that only one person made it out of that prison (Talia) yet Bane (and even R'as al Ghul) was there too, so...

But I suppose I'm over thinking it. My brother and I just couldn't get over many of these parts and as the reviews roll in, I continue to wonder if I'm alone in my assessment of the movie. I found it lacking and the worst out of the three. Of course it would be damn near impossible to live up to The Dark Knight (seriously, what is it with Batman playing almost second string to his nemesis), but they didn't even make it close with this. Of course it wasn't all bad- thankfully not another Spiderman 3, but I just don't get the hype. This was the end and there was so much that could have been done. Or maybe the issue was that too much was done in certain respects that left out chunks of important parts. But if you enjoyed it, that works too. But please, internet people, don't put this in the top 5 (or even 10) of any superhero movie- I beg you.

Beat the Heat

You know that moment when it's so hot, you decide to take a lukewarm/cold shower? You turn on the water to the perfect cooling temperature and then when you hop into the shower it's scalding hot? You glare at the shower head and bitch about the stupid ass heat.

First world problems.

Folks, I don't know what area you're in, but in my city the temperature is currently at 90 and steady climbing. The heat index is supposed to be 107 today. No beuno.

I'm a summer baby and oppressive heat like this makes me mad. I'm guzzling down water like no tomorrow and angry when my thighs stick together because of the heat.

The fat girl struggle.

But, at the end of the day, when the sun goes down and the mosquitoes are buzzing around my ankles, I'm happy that I made it through another day. It could be worse folks. I'm in air-conditioning probably 80% of the day, I have access to ice water, and hopefully you are/do too.

Here's some tips to beat and deal with the heat. Feel free to add some of your own. It's a struggle out here as it gets hotter.

1. Water water water water. It is so easy to get dehydrated in the heat. We have to drink enough water, especially if we like to enjoy a good margarita after work. Carry around a nalgene, freeze a water bottle, or buy some water while you're out- but make sure you drink enough! We don't need y'all falling out.

 2. Check on the old folks.  Ladies, gents, and everyone else- we can't forget about our elders, especially in this heat. I'm sure we've all seen the news stories of older individuals dying in their homes because of the heat. Don't think just because they have an air conditioner in their window that they're using it or that they're doing okay.

3. Ice-cream. Water-ice or whatever icy treat you enjoy. Make sure you take sometime out to enjoy the nice things about summer. Getting soft-serve vanilla ice cream in chocolate dip is a treat for me. But remember not to over-indulge. Gaining weight in the summer is no fun. And folks, no matter how drunk or high you may be, just because you like ice cream, don't go and do a Gucci Mane. Ever.

4. Dress the part. Folks, just because it's hot outside doesn't mean everyone needs to see your ass, titties, belly or back fat, or anything else that needs to have a bit of fabric covering it up. Ladies, you know y'all are wrong for those outfits sometimes. In the words of Phonte: "Got the fat hangin over the sides (Better go to lane bryant). Girl, you got your gut bustin over the side of your jeans. It look like a muffin". And fellas, seriously just pull up your pants.

5. Showers, deodorant, and sunscreen. Showers folks. Whether it's cold or hot, we gotta remember to get the funk off our backs after a long hot day/night. Stale sweat is not sexy and no one wants to sit next to a funky person, especially in the heat. So please, please, please James Brown. wear some deodorant. And every skin type and color can get sun cancer and a sunburn, wear some good sunscreen. Your body will thank you.

Now that's just a few on my list for keeping cool and fresh in the heat. Please feel free to add yours! And remember folks, stick to the shade when you can.