The Thirst

Ladies and Gents it has been a while. I've been dealing with family drama and stresses, finals, work, and all other types of things that have taken me away from this blog. I've missed y'all.

Now on to a topic that has been grating at my soul for the past month or so. Ladies and gents, I'm dealing with The Thirst. Now, I'm not the thirsty person. Unfortunately, I'm the one on the receiving end and it's not pleasant. Now for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, let me make it plain.

The Thirst is a term applied to those that just can't take a hint. Would-be-suitors who just keep calling or texting and aren't deterred by a lack of response. The men and women who just won't take no or silence for an answer.

My current thirsty acquittance goes to the school I work at. That wouldn't be a problem since it's a huge college and I should be able to duck and dodge any attempts of his approach. It has worked so far, except when it comes to my phone. Since February when I told him in no uncertain terms that I did not have time or patience to date (date him specifically), he took this as a signal that he should still try and be my friend. I responded that he can do whatever he wanted but that I honestly didn't have time for him. I was (and still am) busy with work, grad school, my family, and trying to get my life situation together. He did not fit into the picture.

However since then the texts, call, and voicemails have continued unhindered and he just hasn't gotten that no response means no interest. I haven't responded to ANY of his messages and I don't plan on starting now. Yet the thirst continues. I'm tempted to send a fake reply text such as: Sorry the number you are trying to reach is no longer accepting text messages. Msg. 4186. But even then I feel like he'll use that as an excuse to call.

I don't really know what I should do, if anything, in this situation. I've gotten a few "I saw you today" texts which are a bit creepy but hopefully harmless. And maybe after a few more weeks he'll finally get the hint. For now I figure I'll just wait it out and see what happens. Hopefully I won't see him around on campus but maybe if I do I'll be able to let him know that his interest is not wanted. Hopefully this is just some harmless thirst.

Have you ever had a thirsty acquittance? What did you do to deal with The Thirst? 

The Fiore Scott Files: Oh Snap, I Want A Man

Guys and gals. This feeling just literally smacked me in the face. My gut clenched and I felt a twinge in my neck.

It's official. Ladies and gentlemen. I want a boyfriend.

Cue world ending.

Now people who know me know I'm not being melodramatic. I'm not the type of girl who needs a man or usually even wants one. I may go out "man-hunting" every once in a while, but my feelings can go either way. If I meet a guy and we dance all night, that's cool. If we exchange numbers I may gush over it with my friends for a bit. But then I usually just let it go. I'm usually in a period of hibernation. Sure sure, I'm not totally turned off. I'll flirt with a guy in a second if necessary. But at the same time, I haven't really cared one way or another if I started dating a guy or not. I definitely appreciated the fineness that were the multitude of male specimens that happen to pass my view. But now I don't want to just look. I want one. I want a man.

I haven't had this feeling in almost two years. Yes you read that right, two years. It's been that long since I've been involved with someone. Long time ain't it. Well, not really. Before that it had been 3 years. I mean, I just don't really crave relationships. I don't search for them and if it happens it happens. But I usually don't care one way or the other. Even one of my guy friends brought it up two days ago, asking if I had any prospects. I responded that I didn't and that I wasn't really interested because of work and graduate school. But then I have my periods, like now, where chillin' and focusing on other things just isn't good enough. And I won't just settle for flirting and moving on. It's go time. I want a man.

Let the Fun Continue

We've come a long way since the beginning of this blog. Us 4 ladies started this blog back on May 2, 2011 with the idea of given our thoughts a place to breathe. We wanted to create an enviornment where we could escape for a bit and hopefully allow others to escape with us. So far so good I think.

With 36 followers, 100 posts, and 10966  hits (as of the writing of this post)- we are well on our way to doing something pretty big. And I couldn't be happier. This blog has been a great motivator for me. I've kept up on current events, have continued to build my friendships with my friends, have matured extensively, and have learned a lot about my friends I didn't know before. It has been a blessing and I hope you will continue to enjoy this blog as much as we do.

Look forward to more humor, political rants, throwbacks, self-reflections, ruminations on life and friendship, and just whatever comes to mind. And if there is anything in particular that you want us to speak on or if you have some comments please feel free to email us sisterescape@gmail.com. And if you don't already follow or subscribe, get on the horse! We're fun ladies and you'll enjoy it. 

Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing: RIP Nick Ashford

I'm sure you've all heard the news by now, and if you haven't you must be living under a rock or just reading the wrong stuff. Good thing you're reading our blog, ne?

Nick Ashford, one half of the amazing married songwriting duo of Ashford & Simpson, has passed away at the age of 70 due to complications with throat cancer. He leaves behind his wife Valerie Simpson and two children, not to mention a bevy of hits that have shaped the way many of us have grown up.

Nick Ashford had arrived in New York in the early 1960s, homeless, sleeping on a park bench, but determined to make it in the entertainment industry. He met Valerie Simpson in the choir at White Rock Baptist Church in Harlem [1]. The couple would go on to marry, but before then a songwriting partnership flourished, the pair penning hits such as Ain't No Mountain High Enough and Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing for Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell, I'm Every Woman for Chaka Khan, and their own 1984 hit Solid (As a Rock). "They had magic," said Verdine White of Earth, Wind and Fire, "and that's what creates those wonderful hits, that magic."

I can still recall the times my father would blast Ain't No Mountain High Enough and remind me that there is nothing that would stop him from coming to help me wherever I am and whenever I need him. (Love you Daddy.)

Ashford & Simpson's songs and Motown hits have definitely helped shaped my love for soul and old school classics. My Temptations and Jackson 5 Pandora stations are definitely key and whenever Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell come on these stations I am belting out the lyrics right with them. It still breaks my heart thinking about how Marvin went downhill (in some aspects, while creating some awesome songs in) after her death.

But there was definitely magic between the two of them. Magic that created a union of music and love that would last for years. And even their own music was solid (pun intended).

Their music showcased their feelings for each other and really embodied soul. If I can find that joy with my husband I think I could be happy together forever, real talk.

I can only add to the RIPs that have been sent out to such a music pioneer. We have all been touched by his music if we have ever listened to Biggie, Beanie Sigel, Rob Base, or even Jessica Simpson. As that generation continues to get older, it saddens me to think of all the talent that will be lost. But I am grateful that their music legacy survives and continues on well after them.

Rest in Peace Nick Ashford and thank you for blessing us with such music gems.


[1] Big up to all the Baptists out there. 

Grateful

There are have been some days when my faith in Jesus was sorely tested. Going 7 months without any job prospects after college while trying to deal with my lack of independence while living at home, was an especially rough patch, but I always told myself to keep going on and that 2011 would be my year. In my darkest hours I even got on my knees and poured my heart out to God for guidance, strength, comfort, and motivation. And He has done exactly what I needed over and over again.

I know that I'm not the best Christian. I rarely read the Bible, don't go to church as often as I should- and when I do sometimes I'm stingy with tithes, do many things that are foolish, overindulge, am stingy and self-absorbed, often have a lousy attitude, and don't speak to God or listen to Him nowhere near as much as I'm supposed to. And I have the habit of going to Him when times are rough but not giving Him His due when I'm doing well.

Yet through it all, God has continued to bless me, comfort me, and provide for me. He has always come through. And this past weekend it took some extremely trying events happening which forced me to sit down and confront the fact that I had been living too fast and not making time for God. I realized that God had really blessed me this year, giving me two jobs, helping me get into graduate school, blessing my family many times over, and giving me many other untold blessings. And I have definitely taken them for granted.

I'm glad I am able to slow it all down and put things into perspective. I've been making a lot of moves in the right direction but also been messing around quite a bit. There's nothing wrong with enjoying life to the fullest, but I realized that I might have been enjoying some of the wrong things. I can only thank God that he put me in a difficult situation that allowed me to fall back and get myself right. In the words of TI and Kanye, sometimes you have to drive slow.

So today and everyday after that, I'm going to continue to thank God for really sitting me down and helping me remember what I need to do to improve myself and really make things happen for me.

The Forgotten Social Network

Before there was the obsolete Myspace, the befuddling google +, and the powerhouse (and increasingly annoying) Facebook- there is one oft-forgotten social network that was for me and many other black youth/adults the start of our true social internet experience. That website is: Blackplanet.

Come on. Don't look at me like I'm crazy. I know y'all giving me the side-eye right now, but I know- I just know- you remember having a profile or two. Especially the old ones which actually started teaching us how to do html and all, since we wanted sparkly banners, flaming icons, backgrounds of our favorite rapper or just cash, and scrolling sentences saying how hot we were. Don't act like you don't remember.

I definitely remember and I won't front about my experiences with it. When our young generation began embracing the internet we all went on there for aol's chatrooms and places like Blackplanet. There was no google search, youtube, wikipedia, or pandora. It was a pretty simple process of waiting until your mom got off the phone, turning on aol and waiting for the annoying scratching booting up modem thingy to connect, then going somewhere trying to interact with others on the internet.

We'd accept friend requests from random people, giggle with our friends over stalker boys, and try to make our profiles as flashy as possible so that we could get lots of hits. But then that quickly became boring and obsolete, especially when things like Myspace came on. Blackplanet was popular in the black community, but Myspace was popular with everyone- even internationally. So I stopped using blackplanet and you did too. That was ninth grade for me.

Then I headed to college and as I said in an earlier post: one of my older college friends had told me about her experiences with dating/being involved with men from the internet, and I was interested, especially because I wasn't getting any attention from the people in my tiny college environment. I wanted to feel pretty and I wasn't getting that from the various men (I admit I was only interested in black men at the start of my college life- quickly grew out of that, thank God), so I decided to try something new and different.

Blackplanet had(s) definitely changed. Now it's mainly a more grown (and sometimes sexy) crowd, and for all intents and purposes, it's another free internet hook-up dating site. It used to be majority middle school/high school kids just interacting with each other, rarely with the intent to actually meet up (or maybe that was just me and my friends?). Now it's definitely utilized for two people to engage each other over the internet than meet up. That's what happened to me. But after my experience I deleted my account, feeling that it was just not for me. It was nice having guys message me expressing how beautiful they thought I was, but I had no interest in meeting up with these guys and they clearly had no interest past sex. That's just not me.

I recently stopped by the site and it still looks the same as it did when I was in college. They've tried to make it more sophisticated to keep people interested, but I don't know anyone who actually has an account (or is willing to tell me they do). I'd say it's pretty obsolete in this current technological age, but maybe you'd beg to differ.

So then: Has Blackplanet become obsolete? Do you even know what Blackplanet is? Have you ever used (or do you still use) it? Got some stories?

I know I'm not the only one who used it. Break it down.

Tasting Danger: My Foray into Craziness

After a second night (though not sequential), since I've turned 23,  of getting "Girl you are crazy!" type texts from friends, after telling yet another ridiculous story, I've realized that yes maybe I have taken a few steps too many off the deep-end. I've increasingly put myself into what could easily be dangerous situations with men, though I have had the luck and blessings not to have had any problems.

I've realized that since college, I've had different spurts of living on the edge. And right now I've been busting out.

The first guy I was involved with I met off the internet [1]. I was 18 and foolish. One of my older college friends had told me about her experiences with dating/being involved with men from the internet, and I was interested, especially because I wasn't getting any attention from the people in my tiny college environment. I wanted to feel pretty and the attention he lavished me did just that. But looking back, it was a really dumb and dangerous thing for me to do. To just meet up with a random guy I had met over the internet and talked to a few times on the phone. And to make matters worse, I didn't meet him at a public place. I met him at the bustop near his house and we ended up hanging out at his place. 

WTF was wrong with me? Naivety at it's best.

Luckily everything worked out and we ended up being involved (I refuse to call it dating) for a couple months after that. But it was still a really dangerous thing for me to do. He could have been a rapist, could have drugged me then kidnapped me, or other perfect scenarios for Law and Order SVU/CI. I was blessed not to have any of that happen. And I admit that after our affair ended, I realized I needed to be a bit more discerning about such situations and stopped any dealing with internet dating. Sure it has become more mainstream, but you still have to be careful of the weirdos/possible rapists. Sometimes it works, many times it doesn't. I'd say after that that I had a solid 4 years of safe living. I focused on my studies and getting out of college. Sure I partied, and hard at times, but I still was pretty safe...mostly [2]. But lately, I've been letting loose and losing my mind.

Maybe it's because I've finally started my adult life: having graduated, recently being accepted into graduate school, and having started a permanent job [3]. Maybe I'm feeling like I need to have a bit of fun before I get loaded down by work and classes. Or maybe I'm really getting sick of living at my parents place and this is my rebellious side kicking in. Probably a mix of all three, but either way, I've been putting myself in ridiculous situations and (thankfully) living to tell the tale.

My latest bout of ridiculousness dealt with my hanging out with two random ass guys I met on the subway one Friday night. We struck up a conversation and I found out that one was from the area and both had studied here. They were partying in a different area and I wished them luck as I went my separate way with my friends. I ended up doing BYOB bowling with my friends (best idea eva!) and then leaving before them with the intent of getting home before it got to late. (Oh the curses of living far away from downtown.) Who do I happen upon in the subway? The two random guys. Mind you they had gotten off at a different stop, yet here they were. They called it fate. I called it ridiculous. Yet and still, when they coerced invited me out for drinks, I took a gamble and said ok. It was 11pm and I knew I needed to get home because it would take more an hour at least, but I decided to take the plunge and be crazy for the night.

We ended up going to a bar I was familiar with and having a good time. They ended up fighting for my attention, which really boosted this girl's confidence. Having two guys fight over you is pretty awesome. They even offered to pay my taxi home if I stayed later with them. I politely declined but did accept the offered subway fare home. On the way home it fully struck me just how ridiculous and crazy I was. I had gone off with two random guys I had just met to a bar. They could have taken me anywhere, but they didn't. They were extremely nice and I wouldn't mind hanging with them again. But I had been blessed that I hadn't been in danger and that I hadn't ended up on the evening news.

Maybe this isn't dangerous to you guys. And maybe you're giving me the side-eye for hanging with some randos. It happened and it was fun. Will I put myself in such another situation? I don't know, but hopefully I'll use my head either way. Maybe sometimes you gotta step out and be a little crazy to experience a bit of fun and a story to tell your friends. So yes, maybe I'm a bit crazy.

Side-Note: This is just such an awesome song I had to put it here. It kinda has something to do with what I was saying. Anyway, give a listen.

[1] Y'all probably giving me the side-eye right now. Don't be acting like you've never signed up for OKCupid. Actually, this site was Blackplanet. THROWBACK! 
[2] Totally ignoring my ridiculous sophomore year. 
[3] Boss status.

The Fiore Scott Files: Back in Action

My friends will tell you that for the past year or so my libido has been on cruise control. As in, not a twitch, quiver, or jump. I could stare at a fine ass man at a bar and feel nothing. I'd appreciate his fineness but I never got the jump in my heartbeat or the coil in my body that told me I wanted to jump him. And this happened all the time, so it wasn't a fluke. It happens to the best of us I hope. Sometimes our bodies and minds just aren't feeling it.

But lately my libido has decided to do a 180 and put me back in the ring. It definitely started with my lusting after a cable guy who came to my house (that's a story for another blog post) and a gorgeous Italian guy who I fortunately found out was married before I made a complete fool out of myself. We flirted and danced and I realized that for the first time in forever (over a year), I really dug a guy. I was ready to pounce and was actually ready to make the first move. But God stepped in and luckily I found out from a mutual friend that he was married. I was crushed but I was happy in the fact that I had actually felt something for a guy after so long.

I'm telling you all of this because today I almost crashed my car.

Why you ask?

Because the finest man I've seen in my city was jogging down the block as I drove by. This man in all his fineness made me do a double take. The kind that when I turned back forward, I had to swerve to not hit a car. DAMN. DAMN. DAMN.

He was definitely one of those "God broke the mold when he made you" men. Tall, beautiful brown skin, muscles that had me fanning myself, a cute tribal tattoo on his upper left chest, and beautiful face. I clearly got a good look.

He had me ready to turn my car around and follow him down the street. But traffic wasn't having it and I had errands to run. But I still got to see some yumminess and I felt something. It was delicious.

Maybe I'll see him around. Maybe I won't. But he let me know that I was definitely back in action, no longer on cruise control, and finally steering the wheel.    

AN: No that's not the dude in the picture. I was just giving y'all some eye-candy.

Check Yo Self Before You Wreck Yo Self

In the wise words of Ice Cube, "check yo self before you wreck yo self, cause I come real stealth, I'm bad for your health". Truer words have never been spoken, especially when concerning that big disease with a little name. You know what I'm talking about. HIV.

This past Monday, June 27th, was National HIV Testing Day. The email I received from my state senator, reminding me to get tested, was the only advertisement I've seen regarding this very important day. Hopefully you all out there have seen more. If not, that's a huge disappointment and problem.

I'm not going to bemoan a point we've all heard before. Hopefully the importance of safe sex and getting tested regularly has been drilled into you by your parents who now that you're 21 find it too easy to bring up sex with you or that sex ed teacher who liked to share too much information about their own sex lives. If so, then take this as as just another soapbox moment from someone who intends to remain HIV negative for the rest of her life and hopes you do as well.

And if you haven't really been taught the ropes about condoms, dental dams, and yes even latex gloves- well...use them when engaging in oral, anal, kinky, menage a trois, running train, or just plain ol' cowgirl style sex. Don't ever be intimidated to ask your partner to use one, even if it's just fallatio or cunnilingus [1]. And please don't think sexy time is over if homeboy has to make a Trey Songz style Store Run. Trust me, it ain't. If anything I think it's sexier.

Cough.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

GET TESTED 

Really, it's that simple. If you're scared, go with a friend or at least talk with one to get some reassurance. Even if it's a clinic you happen to be driving by one day, take some time out to get it done. It's free at a variety of places, so having no money is a terrible excuse. And you can often get your results right then. So why not?

My senator and his lovely wife (brownie points if you recognize her) have been plugging their "Test Together" campaign for years now. 

They have a wonderful site: http://www.testtogether.org/ where you can plug in your zip code and receive nearby places to get tested. It even tells you the place offers the test free, the type of HIV test, and if you can be tested for other STDs there [2]. So convenient. So I hope you will spread the word and website to your friends and family.With the CDC reporting that while blacks represent approximately 12 percent of the U.S. population, they account for almost half (46 percent) of people living with HIV in the US, as well as nearly half (45 percent) of new infections each year, it's time to step our game up folks and stop the foolishness.

Seriously folks, let's get it together. Keep it safe and get checked regularly. Not just for yourself, but for your partners and their partners too. And if you have already gotten tested and practice safe sex, I pray that you will only have good sex, you deserve it. It's a movement.

And if you are living with HIV/AIDs, I can only hope that you are succeeding in living as healthy and wonderful a life as possible. Peace and blessings.

[1] Oh she fancy huh?
[2] Seriously, I suggest getting tested for everything in one go. 

Heemy Taught Me! Music I'm Bumping To. (Kinda NSFW)

Two of my best lady friends (and I'm thankful I have so many!) and I were enjoying happy hour and the topic of sexy time in relationships came up. I will admit that I have never had a long term relationship so the idea of sex getting boring, just not happening as often as it used to, or not really lusting after your partner is foreign to me. In the few relationships I've been in, we've been good to go with little coaxing involved [1]. So when it came to advising my friend on how to revive the passion, I really didn't have much to say. I just listened to her and my other friend (who also had dealing with a long term relationship) gab about it.

But one thing that did come up was music. I had advised my friend some months before that music can be key to setting the mood. Having some really smooth sexually-tinged tracks on an itunes playlist. Or just playing around on youtube with your boo and playing some Teddy Pendergrass or some Lauryn Hill can really get you there. Have you ever slow danced in your room with your boo to some Jill Scott or Maxwell? Panty-dropper. You should try it fellas. Thank me later.

My friend did thank me for the advice. She tried that by playing some Robin Thicke and it was clutch. Trust me if you haven't done it already, add some music and step that sex game up. Sexing to some good tunes can set the tempo or could give you and your partner some ideas.

All that being said, here are some artists that are perfect for the Sexy Time Playlist (in no particular order):

1. Maxwell- The Urban Hang Suite



Til The Cops Come Knockin by ice1906

Or really any of his older stuff when he had that wonderful "I'd do him right now" hair.

2. Jill Scott- The Real Thing: Word and Song



Self-explanatory, especially for us big sexy sisters.

3. Bilal- Love For Sale



Lawd Lawd Lawd! That is all.

4. Floetry- Floetic



Why did they have to do solo careers? All they had to do was keep pumping out stuff like this. Seriously.

5. Teddy Pendergrass- Life is a Song Worth Singing



Well. We all know how it's going to go down when you turn this on.

6. Keith Sweat- (Self-Titled)



Have you seen this video? I'm sure you have. How old are these people anyway?

7. Raheem DeVaughn- Jackin' For Beats/ Heemy Taught Me



This video is the business. If you don't have this mixtape. Get it now.

8. Marvin Gaye- Let's Get it On



Another classic panty-dropper. He didn't beat around the bush (ha!).

9. The Roots- Phrenology



Unsurprisingly they have a few beats perfect for sexy time. Another one is with Jill Scott.

10. Prince- Batman Soundtrack (And much much more)



I love how he has that and then he has this.



(Of course I had to give my favorite artist two songs.)

11. D'Angelo- Untitled



All of us lady were all up on the TV when this came on back in the day.

12. Trey Songz- Trey Day



Yeah, Trey Songz has some good stuff. It's still crazy how he worked his way up from his "Just Gotta Make It" days to now.

13. Minnie Riperton- Adventures in Paradise



Yall didn't forget about her did you?

14. Musiq Soulchild- Luvanmusiq



He has some of the most beautiful love songs.

15. Ne-Yo- In My Own Words



Imma try this one day. :D


Well then, that's just a few songs I have one my Sexy Time Playlist. If you are going to have such a playlist (which I always suggest), title it something that won't have you stuttering if your dad is looking for music to play and happens upon it. I go for "Untitled". An ode to D'Angelo if you will. Aiight then:

What songs/artists would you add on your playlist? Does music do it for you and your partner, or does it take something else? Speak on it.


[1] No long term relationships you say? It is what it is. Actually I think it's pretty common for a lot of us younger ladies and fellas to not have been in serious relationships. We've got many more years. Don't sweat it. 

For my Hero, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

So I was searching for a song that would be perfect for this post. And it took all of 5 seconds for me to pinpoint just what song I wanted as a tribute to my Daddy and to all those Daddys and Grandaddys (I'll even big up the brothers and uncles too) of the world.

There are plenty of ballads sung about mothers but not too many sung about fathers. Fathers just don't get the praise they deserve and we definitely need to celebrate our fathers better. Mother's Day gets a whole big hooplah but all Father's Day gets is a sale on ties and tools. I can only speak for the father I have and the fathers I know, and the vast majority of them are some of the best men I know.

My own Daddy has raised up 5 children, 3 of which are growing men. The 5 of us are well on our way to doing and being the best we can with what God gave us. There have been days were my daddy would come home exhausted after working multiple straight days of double shifts just so that he could pay our school tuition. My daddy and mom have worked their butts off to ensure that we know what our priorities should be: God, family, education, and then success. They have both slaved away at their jobs to secure our academic future at the best private schools and have sacrificed fixing our home, buying better cars, taking vacations, and even buying clothes for themselves.

My daddy is my hero. I learned to cook from him. I learned how to budget my money. I learned sacrifice. I learned to put education first. And I learned love.

My father is the hero in our house and the cornerstone. He is the quiet strength that I seek out when I'm weary or need some comfort. He is my mentor, my idol, and my daddy. I could never ask for a better father.

The song I chose as a tribute was one of the songs that has always stuck with me. I've watched this movie multiple times with my father and have listened to this song many times with him as well. This is one of his favorite songs and since I couldn't find it anywhere in playback form I had to make my own video.

This song sums up for me the strength my father embodies. A strength of mind, strength of body, strength of spirit, and a strength of will. I thank God for him and for all that he has done and will continue to do.

I send best wishes out to all the fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers, and men, especially those working their hardest to improve the lives of those around them. Take time out to wish someone a Happy Father's Day, even if you don't know them. Happy Father's Day to all the men doing the best they can for their families. I pray that your sacrifices and love guide you all to success and happiness.

Happy Father's Day!

Photo complements of this blog.

Color me Sweet

Hola Folk-

I started my morning off pretty well- I read one of my favorite blogs, www.verysmartbrothas.com, ate oatmeal and had the most delicious iced coffee. To really top things off the topic of today's VSB post really resonated with me. Long story short, Champ suggests that we find new ways to praise Black women and not just recycle the word 'strong.'

C'mon we've all heard it: Black women are strong or she's a strong Black woman or even, damn she strong!

VSB's point is that by using strong we are subtley referencing qualities that are perceived as non-feminine. And you know what? I agree. I am tired of hearing a Black woman called strong for things like, always having to defend herself + her people, always being the one to pick up the broken pieces when everyone else has given up, or always having to be the one to make sure everyone else is OK.

In addition to strong, how about sweet! Just think, when is the last time a Black woman in the popular media was called 'sweet'.

New Words to Associate w. Black Women:
sweet, warm, kind, endearing, calm, humble... what are some other 'new' adjectives you would assign to Black women?

Bus X to Anywhere

My people. My people. I want to share one of the more intimate details of my personal life. No, no, this post has nothing to do with my personal array of postcards and natural hair conditioners, but instead is about how I de-clutter my mind. It's about how I remind myself of all the beauty and joy in the world.

This simple pleasure is not in the form of a joint, it's not at the bottom of a glass of E.J + cold Malta, it's just comes from riding the bus.

You read right, I LOVE public transportation and opt for the bus whenever possible. I know that for some of you who live in other [read:crap] cities, riding the bus is akin to using your cat as a lint brush. And that sucks, but hey, the bus is one of my closest friends. Not one bus in particular, any in transit bus will do!

What type of bus am I talking about?
Buses in Black neighborhoods... only. Not hatin' just appreciatin'. Beacuse there's nothing like being on the bus with a FUNKY smell and have a black woman, who does not give a damn, come on and loudly declare/ask, 'Who is fryin' chitlins? Woooooweee!'

Why else?
I love it when older, slightly overweight Black folk get on the bus and eye the seat with a hunger and thirst in their eyes for 5 minutes beore actually just sitting in it. And once, they have parked their derrier in the shiny plastic blue seat, they heave a sigh of deep relief and satisfaction. I love to watch people appreciate the little glories of life.

Still not convinced that the bus is where it's at huh?

Ok ok. Fair. Here's another reason-- you can find community on the bus.
Here's an example; I see countless young, black women traveling with their toddlers whenever I am on the bus. And when the toddler finally gets on, they usually make a mad dash to the back of the vehicle while Mom tries to gather her things and pay her fare. In this moment, the bus' passengers can a. continue to mind their own business or b. stop the child from falling flat on their foolish, yet adorable, little faces. I've only seen b. happen and I am grateful for it. For 30 seconds that toddler becomes the bus' collective child and we all look out for him or her.

I don't know about you, but that warms my heart keeps me getting on the bus.

Transitions: Can 2-1 = 1.5

Hola, Zippy here!

One of the best moments in my undergrad career happened on a lazy spring day, when my professor said, ' Ladies, when you are in a relationship, any relationship, the equation should always be 1 + 1 = 2.5.' We all looked at her like she didn't have a Phd. Then she explained you should both support each other's growth and greatness during your journey as a couple. You should be more together than you are a part. That doesn't mean that 1 is the loneliest, saddest number, but simply that you should encourage the best in each other. Now that I am out of a 2 1/2 year relationship and back in Singledom, I am wondering if 2 - 1 can result in 1.5? That is, can you do and be better by yourself? And how do you come to that decision when the relationship you're in is fine... as in, he's a great dude, treats you well, really loves you etc.?

...More on life in Singledom...

Now that my bags are unpacked and I've settled into my new room in Singledom, I am trying to figure out just where I fit in. Am I ready to date? Do I wanna smang? Meh, neither of the above. For the first few weeks after the break up, I thought I was ready to jump in there. Get my pipes plumbed and what not. But, the more that I think about it the more I realized that I need to remember what it's like to be in a relationship with just me. Now that we are not together I have so much more time to just do whatever I want to do, when I want to! I almost feel like I am rediscovering myself all over again and just getting back in touch.

At the same time... when I feel my sexy and want to share it! And I'm the type to do that in relationships or prolonged casual dating situations and what not [read: my options are limited!] I had a talk with my cousin about dating and she said, 'when you're ready to date, you won't have to question it this much.' Bam. Words of freakin' troof! So, for all the other recently single ladies out there, take that chill pill and take the time to rediscover all the lovable unique things about you!